The Gift I Never Wanted | Anna Benson
One of the most common things that I see (and have experienced personally) while single is resentment. Anger with God. Discontentment. God has given us a blessing of time to be by ourselves and cultivate a faithful relationship with Him, and instead many of us have thrown it in his face and pushed him further away from us.
I felt lonely and insecure, and instead of turning to him and learning what he was trying to teach me: (that complete satisfaction comes from Him), I went to cheap and easy “talking stages” and “situationships” where I ended up compromising my boundaries and beliefs and ultimately ended up with a broken heart. James tells us that we can be “perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” when we are steadfast through the testing of our faith (James 1:2-4). More directly, in Psalms, we see that we are complete when we are in relationship with God: “You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalms 16: 11). What if God is using this time of singleness to protect you? To hide you under his wing until the appropriate time. We are not supposed to awaken love before it is due time…this is a protection for our hearts! (Song of Solomon 2:7 & 3:5 “I adjure you…that you do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases”). This is our loving Father saying that He wants to hide you under His wing and grow you until the right time where He provides the right person that He has been preparing for you!
This is why I believe that resentful singleness tends to look very cyclical: I kept finding myself in the same situation over and over, it was time to surrender it to God and ask him what he was trying to teach me, and to have the humility to accept it.
A lot of people try to cite the passage in Psalms that God will give you the desires of your heart. But they fail to realize that it isn’t about God granting us whatever we want…it’s about the desires of our hearts changing to align with His will. “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.” - Psalm 37: 4-5 (ESV). Before we are given the desires of our hearts, we first have to learn to delight in Him! Verse seven goes on to say “...be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way” (v. 7 & 23). Let God be your guide, and learn to trust and delight in His will for your life. Unfortunately for us, there tends to be a lot of patiently waiting on the Lord, but that waiting is not just supposed to be about passively “waiting around” or “dilly dallying;” it’s active!
If your story is anything like mine, I would challenge you to be very honest with yourself and very honest with God. Are you upset with him that he has granted you a season of singleness? And have you rejected that gift, and instead of spending it intentionally, you’ve lived frivolously and selfishly? If there are unrepentant sins in your life, or resentment, or insecurity…a relationship will not solve them. You have no bargaining chip with God about “I’ll fix this sin when I have a significant other.” Anger and resentment in singleness come from a place of entitlement that show that you do not trust God’s plan for your life (whether your singleness is for a season or a lifetime), and you believe that he has somehow wronged you by not giving you what you want when you want it.
You are called to be the person he created you to be and to be satisfied in him regardless of your relationship status. Your joy is complete in Him. Allow him to show you how He is so much better and more satisfying than any earthly relationship that you could be a part of. This shift in my perspective has been an encouraging and comforting reminder that God is in control, and if there’s something going on that I don’t understand, instead of trying to take the reins, I need to take a step back and earnestly seek what it is he’s trying to teach me.